Preparing “If, and Then—” When Finalizing the College List

Letter to Our Families: Preparing “If, and Then—”

As we move deeper into application season, most students now have a final college list. It represents hours of reflection, research, and family discussion. And still, this is when the second-guessing begins: Is the list balanced? Do we need to add one more? Did we reach too far—or not far enough?

This is also the time to pause and look at the list with honesty.

Ask: Can I see myself at each of these schools? Am I ready for the disappointment that may come if I don’t get into half of them? Am I clear that I’m the one responsible for creating my own happiness, no matter where I end up?

Before making any changes, I invite you to try an exercise I use with every family this time of year.

I call it Preparing “If, and Then—.”

What Is “If, and Then—” Thinking?

This reflection draws on Daniel H. Pink’s work on anticipatory thinking—mentally walking through what could happen so that when it does, we respond with intention instead of reaction.

Anticipatory thinking helps families move from uncertainty to readiness. It doesn’t predict the future; it steadies us for it.

For parents, it’s both a mindset and a method: an approach that integrates emotional regulation, planning, and perspective—all key skills we help students develop through ADHD and Executive Function Coaching.

How to Use “If, and Then—” When Reviewing the College List

Start by looking at your student’s college list and completing a few simple statements:

• If our student is admitted to most of these schools, then we’ll focus on comparing programs, community, and cost. 
• If fewer offers come in than expected, then we’ll revisit what makes each remaining school a strong fit. 
• If the results reveal a gap, then we’ll explore late-deadline options or alternative paths with curiosity instead of panic. 

You can also use this exercise to test the list itself:

• Does it include a genuine range—academically, financially, and personally? 
• Are there multiple schools where your student could truly thrive? 
• If outcomes vary, will your family still feel comfortable with the choices left? 

If you’d like a guide for evaluating balance, explore Ethan Sawyer’s “How to Create a Great College List” and his mini-course on balanced college lists. These align beautifully with how we support families through our Parent Community.

A Mindset Strategy for Raising Teenagers

This kind of “If, and Then—” thinking isn’t just about college—it’s a strategy for raising self-aware, resilient teenagers.

When practiced regularly, it becomes a quiet habit: a way of thinking that holds disappointment, manages expectations, and fosters independence. It teaches teens that while they can’t control outcomes, they can always control their response.

You can learn more about fostering that mindset on our Growing Good Humans Podcast, where we talk about resilience, readiness, and the emotional side of college preparation.

Bringing It All Together

Families who take the time to walk through these questions usually leave the conversation lighter. They see that the list isn’t just a collection of names—it’s a reflection of readiness, flexibility, and the values that matter most.

That’s what If, and Then— offers: a clear look at possibility.

When you’ve imagined what might come next, the list stops feeling like a test and becomes a set of paths your student is already prepared to walk.

Continue the Conversation

• Listen to the Growing Good Humans Podcast. 
• Join our Parent Community for discussions and resources like this. 
• Explore upcoming Events and Workshops. 
• Read more reflections on our Blog. 

FAQ: College Lists, Readiness, and Anticipatory Thinking

Q: What if my student doesn’t get into their top schools?

Acceptance rates are unpredictable. Practicing “If, and Then—” thinking helps your student prepare emotionally and practically for any outcome. It’s a mindset that shifts focus from results to growth.

Q: How do we know if our college list is balanced?

A well-balanced list includes a mix of reach, match, and likely schools that align with your student’s strengths and values. Explore resources in our Parent Community or check out Ethan Sawyer’s balanced list guide.

Q: How can we help our teen handle disappointment during this process?

Start with calm and curiosity. Talk about emotions, not outcomes. Our ADHD and Executive Function Coaching page offers tools for managing emotions and strengthening perspective through change.

Author:

Laura Barr, College Consultant and Founder of Emerging Consulting

Helping families grow good humans through the college process.